For Her
by Leia
Summary: [Complete] Kuririn P.O.V. during the final battle with Cell, before his decision to help Gohan. His thoughts are on dying, and the woman he loves.


Disclaimer: Nope, I don't own DB/Z/GT. You'd definitely know if I did -- Son Goku wouldn't be the main character, 'cause PICCOLO would! To quote our favourite mini-Namekusejin, Dende, "Whoa! Go green!" 

A/N: I have strep throat -- heck, I probably shouldn't be typing on this computer since I'm infecting everyone who uses it, but ... oh well. We live in the same house anyway, so what's the big deal? *laughs* 

Anyway, when I'm sick and unable to get out of the house (read: Cabin fever! YAUGH!!!) for a week-ish or so, I start thinking. And about whom do I think? ..... Kuririn, of course!!! Ha, ha ... (or Piccolo - but that's the other story I wrote this week. ^_^ It's coming soon!) And I was watching the Cell battle, and this kind of sprung into my head. It didn't actually take shape until I was typing up a different story, and boy, was THAT interesting -- I was typing up one thing, but thinking another. *shakes head* Eesh. How bizarre. 

So here it is! I'd been feeling guilty lately about not writing anything about Kuririn, and even though it's short, I still think it's cute. Enjoy! 

For Her

It's the end of the world.

Even as I'm crouching on the cliff, my knees aching from being in one position too long, Gohan and Cell are locked in a battle that will decide the fate of the universe.  Wow, that sounds pompous . . . but it's true, and it's no exaggeration.  If Gohan doesn't win . . . if he doesn't manage to pull a Goku (as I've come to call miracles at the last minute), then we're all doomed.  Not just us, but everyone on every planet, every galaxy.  Cell is _that _powerful — if Gohan can't stop him, then the whole universe is as good as dead.

So why can't I stop thinking about _her_?

I won't look down, I won't look down, I won't — ahh, too late.  I'm looking down.  Lying unconscious on the cliff, her head in my lap, is Artificial Human #18.  She was spat out by Cell earlier on in the fight, and everyone wanted to kill her  before she woke up, but I wouldn't let them. It's not fair to kill somebody who can't even fight back.

Besides.  Who in his right mind would want to kill someone so beautiful?

Even when she's unconscious, #18 is breathtaking.  I'd never been one for blondes — I'm attracted to more exotic-looking women . . . I always thought Bulma was gorgeous, same with my ex-girlfriend, Maron . . . even ChiChi, Goku's wife, is really pretty.  But . . . something about #18 . . . she makes me wonder why I never thought blondes could be alluring.  

Her hair isn't exactly blonde, it's more like the colour of ripe corn silk, in the middle of summer.  I can feel it underneath my fingers, since I'm supporting her head, and her hair is as soft as . . . well, I don't know.  I can't think of anything comparable — I just want to run my fingers through it, but I won't.  To #18, that would probably be just as bad as killing her — and I don't even want to think of what she'd do to _me_ if she found out.

But her eyes captivated me, right from the very beginning . . . I don't know what it is, but there's something about that shade of blue that absolutely hypnotizes me. #18 has beautiful eyes.  They're the eyes of a goddess . . . crystal-blue, slanted at the corners like some kind of graceful feline, and when she looks at me it just pierces straight through me.

It's frustrating that I can't look her in the eye without my legs shaking, but it's worth it just to look at her.  I almost wish she was awake . . . but that would mean she'd beat me up, then fly away and never come back. 

Women are funny.

Piccolo yells something about Gohan, and I look up.  It's strange how, even in the middle of a life-altering battle, all I can do is stare at #18.  Pathetic, huh?  But even I forget about her for a second when I see the size of the energy blasts the two fighters are firing at each other . . . they're enormous!  I'd have to power up from now until the day I die to generate _that_ much energy.

'Course . . . that might be today — the part about me dying, of course, not me having that much power.  Aw, way to go, Kuririn!  Wreck the mood!  I always have to be the morbid one, don't I.

Thinking of Piccolo, he looks like he's gonna' cry — he's staring out at Gohan, not blinking, just watching.  If anything happens to the kid, Piccolo's gonna' go ballistic . . . and I don't think I wanna' see that happen.  I've seen him mad, but I've never actually watched the guy in a berserker rage before.  I have the feeling it would be pretty scary!

#18 lets out a small moan, and instantly I turn my attention back to her; is she waking up?  But no, I guess it's just the Earth rumbling that's disturbing her.  I pull her a little further onto my lap and hold her tighter, wishing circumstances were different.  I don't know what I wish the circumstances were, exactly, but I know this isn't how I want it to be.  I get to see #18 again, which is wonderful, but . . . did it have to be in a battlefield?  I mean, c'mon!  I'd much rather it be at a romantic restaurant or something . . .

  


Ohh, listen to me!  I'm pitiful!  But then, there's nothing I can do about it. #18's managed to capture my heart right from that first kiss, and I don't think I could get away even if I wanted to.  Which I definitely don't.  I haven't felt like this about a woman since . . . since . . .

Well, never, I guess.  I mean, yeah, I've had a crush on Bulma for years, but . . . after she hooked up with Vegeta and had a kid with him, I figure _my_ chances are pretty much zilch.  Even with Yamucha, I'm stronger than he is, so that was something I could use in my favour — but I just can't compete with the Prince of Saiyajins.  It just doesn't work, I guess.  So I gave up on Bulma a while ago.

Even then, those feelings weren't more than a kid's crush.  I was about thirteen when I started liking her, and my feelings never evolved from there.  I guess I've never really let myself care about anybody else except Maron.  She was the only girl who ever really liked me back, and even then it was still a pretty rocky relationship.  When you're dating one of the prettiest, most flirtatious girls on the entire planet, it really stinks to be a short, bald guy.  I'm not saying I'm hideous-looking or anything, but . . . in the looks department I don't stand anywhere near Yamucha, Vegeta, or Goku.

With Maron, though, I was more like a kid in a candy store.  Yeah, I was crazy about her and wanted to marry her, so I guess I loved her, but . . . part of that came from the fact that she was the only girl who ever liked me back.  That encouraged me and made me feel more for her than I would have otherwise.  I was just so thrilled that someone liked me _that_ way that I let my feelings run away with me.

So I guess that's the closest I can come to what I feel about #18, and it's way wrong!  With #18, there's no chance in — well, there's absolutely no chance that she likes me, so I can't like her because she "likes me back," or however that went with Maron . . . 

It can't be love . . . can it?  I thought I loved her, back when I destroyed the controller, but I don't think that's right.  I've had a few days to think about it, and basically, I've decided that it's too impulsive for me.  One thing about me and women — I'm definitely not impulsive.  It usually takes me a long time to decide whether or not I love a woman.  I know right away if I _like_ her, but I don't fall in love with just anybody.  That's one sure-fire way to get the ol' heart stepped on, torn to bits, burned to ashes, squashed like a little bug — well, I'm sure you get the picture.

Thank you, Maron, for _that_ particular lesson.

It can't be love.  I won't _let_ it be love!  I've _never_ fallen in love with a woman so quickly — never!  That has to be a clue that whatever I'm feeling isn't real.  It's got to be infatuation.  That's the only explanation . . . I - I don't understand how I can feel so strongly a woman I barely know.

It _must_ be infatuation.  I don't know how to deal with anything else!

It suddenly gets hard to swallow, feeling like there's a rock sitting in my throat, and I look back at #18 again.  Gods, she's so beautiful . . . it hurts to breathe when I look at her.  I never got this bad when I was dating Maron — she couldn't make my throat ache, and my eyes didn't get teary just looking at her face!

I can't help it.  I reach out to touch her face, caressing her cheek with one finger.  Her skin is so soft — which, for some reason, seems perfectly natural to me.  Maybe some people wouldn't expect that, since #18 is a _jinzouningen_ and everything, but it just seems . . . right . . . to me.  I mean, why wouldn't her skin be soft?  She's a dazzling woman, and it's just . . . just . . . I don't know!  It makes sense!  Why shouldn't she be perfect?

And she is — perfect, I mean.  I can't see anything wrong with her.  I know what Yamucha would say — he'd make some sarcastic comment about the metal parts inside her, but oddly enough, I really don't care.  Okay, so #18 isn't completely human, but she was once, if Bulma is right about that, and isn't that close enough?  As far as I'm concerned, #18 _is_ human.  I don't care what anybody else says.

  


Oh, no . . . did I just say that?  Would someone who's just infatuated think that sort of thing?  I don't want to admit it, but . . . I don't think there's any way to get around it.  I've never felt even close to this way about anyone, and even though, given the circumstances, I don't _want_ to fall in love with her, it feels wonderful.

I feel like a kid again!  I look at her and I start crying for no reason — I touch her hair, her face, and it's like I've been struck by lightning.  If she would ever smile at me, I think I would die.  I feel like flying through the clouds and laughing hysterically — and there's no reason for that!  Maybe if #18 felt the same way, then I could justify how happy I feel, but . . . I don't understand it.

Whether or not I understand it, whether or not it's smart . . . whether or not it even matters, since we could all very well die in a few minutes . . . I don't care.  It feels a little weird, to throw away all the arguments I've been making _against_ my feelings for the past few days, but at the same time, it feels great.

Gohan will win this battle — he has to!  Not just so he can save the planet and the universe, but (this sounds so selfish!) also that I can have a chance with her.  And not only me — all over the world are people just like me, who've just found the person they love.  We all deserve a shot at love, don't we?

. . . don't we?

It doesn't seem real.  Only a few hundred metres away, two insanely powerful _kamehameha_ attacks are blasting away at each other.  I've lived a good life — heck, I've died _twice_ already — I have the best group of friends anyone could ever ask for, and I'm the most powerful human on Earth, but I'm not ready to die.  I don't think anybody is, really.  We all know we're going to die _some_day, but to actually come face-to-face with "someday" is something completely different.

If Gohan fails — no, that's not right.  He's tried so hard and given it everything he's got; he won't fail, even if we are destroyed.  Okay, let me rephrase that.  If Cell succeeds, then billions of people will die today.  And after that, who knows where else the monster will go, how many other planets will be annihilated.  It isn't fair, but that's the way it is.

If there was something — anything — I could do, I'd do it.  If I thought it would make a difference, I'd jump right in that battle to help Gohan . . . but all I'd be able to do would be to get in Gohan's way, and I'd probably get killed.  There is nothing I can do.  Nothing any of us, except Gohan, can do.

Nothing.

It's a scary thought.  I could die; now, or five minutes from now, or half an hour, or whatever — however long it takes before Gohan collapses, if he doesn't beat Cell soon.  I don't want to die.  I know I've said that already, but that doesn't make it any less true.  I don't think there is anyone alive today who knows what's going on right now, who would disagree with me.

Well.  No, that isn't true.  There is one person, and she's lying in my lap right now.  I don't know how I know that #18 wants to die, but somehow . . . I know.  Something about the look in her eyes, when I destroyed the controller, when Cell was mocking us . . . I don't know what it was about her stare, but it wasn't the look of someone who loves life . . . she looked almost _happy _that I was going to kill her.

Another thing.  If she had wanted to live, she could have stopped me.  I've seen her fight — she could easily have killed me before my finger was halfway toward the trigger button — but she didn't.  She just _stood_ there, staring at me, looking shocked, yes, but not scared.  I've seen her frightened when Cell attacked, and the light in her eyes was not one of fear.

When I didn't kill her, when I stepped on the controller and told her to run, her eyes changed, just a little.  I can't explain it, and I don't understand the motivation, but she looked angry.  Yeah, angry!  It was like she was trying to decide whether or not to kill me — I think she might have, if Cell hadn't spotted her.  Even then, she still gave me that _look_, like she thought if she stared at me enough that I'd spontaneously burst into flames.

It wasn't until I offered to help her carry #16 that she quit giving me the silent death threats, and sort of calmed down a little.  But even when Cell was threatening to absorb her, #18 didn't fight back until #16 got hurt and Cell pretended to be #17.  When #18 finally did fight, it was out of anger over the loss of her friends — not self-preservation.

  


What could have happened to her, to make her so willing to give up her life?  Why would anyone so beautiful, so perfect, want to throw away all that?  It doesn't make any sense!

Of course, I haven't been turned into an android by a maniacal genius.  Doctor Gero . . . my fists clench at my sides, and for a second I wish #17 hadn't killed Gero, because now _I_ want to!  Whatever that man did to #18 to make her hate herself so, I want to make him pay for it.  Again, and again, and again, until he begs for mercy.  

I don't think I've ever been this angry at anyone before — not personally.  Yeah, I hate Cell, but that's Gohan's fight now.  I know I can't help him, and I guess I'm resigned to that.  Gero, on the other hand — he's already dead, but I still want to kill him all over again!

It's gotta' be love . . . why else would I want to re-kill an old dead guy?  Boy oh boy, I'm a weird one, eh?

"Gohan's losing," Piccolo mutters, then suddenly he shouts, "I'm coming, Gohan!" and he takes off into the air toward the fighters.

"NO!" I shout, not believing what I'm seeing.  I drop #18 and run to the edge of the cliff.  Piccolo knows there's nothing he could do to help Gohan — what the heck does he think he's doing?  He's just going to get in Gohan's way, and if worst comes to worst, Cell could even use Piccolo against Gohan!  What is he _doing_?!

But within a minute, Tenshinhan and Yamucha have flown off, too, leaving me to look after #18 and to watch over the body of Mirai no Trunks.  How can they do that to me?  It made so much sense to stay here, to keep out of the battle and out of Gohan's hair, when all of us were right here — but now that the others have gone, it makes my decision to remain behind seem cowardly.  I feel like such an idiot!

I can't leave now, though. #18 needs me, to carry her away if the blasts get out of control, and just to make sure that nothing happens to her!  But . . . watching Gohan struggling to hold his ground, seeing Cell's massive energy blast eating away the rocks below, slowly overpowering Gohan's _kamehameha_ . . . I have to go.

I look at #18, who is still unconscious — she probably doesn't even know that she's been regurgitated.  For all she knows, she could still be trapped inside Cell's body.  Well.  If we don't survive this battle, I hope it's a painless passage for her.  I hope she is able to pass through to the Other World without feeling anything.

What am I thinking?  I'm acting like we've already lost!  That's no way for a warrior to think . . . I have to get out there and fight!  For my life, for the lives of my friends . . . for Goku's memory, for the boy out there who's giving all he's got for a planet that doesn't even know his name . . .

For her.  Even if I fail, even if she never knows what I've done for her, I have to do it.  I have to fight — to try to give #18 another chance at life.  Even if she doesn't want it, even if so far she has done everything in her power to avoid living, I'm still bound to try.  If we win this battle, I promise to show her that life is precious, that it shouldn't be thrown away.  I want to teach her the joys of living — not under the control of Doctor Gero, but doing whatever _she_ wants.

I have to try.

I focus my energy and bring it to the surface, feeling the expected rush of euphoria as my power surges up around me, and I glance at #18 one last time.  If I die, I'll have perished after seeing her one last time, no matter how short it was.

The sound of the blasts roars in my ears as I shoot toward the battle site, and I can't help smiling grimly at the sky.  I think of Goku and everything he gave to save the planet he loves . . . I'll pick up where he left off, though his power level is thousands above anything mine could ever be.  But even so, I know he'd want me to fight.

Well, Goku, I know chances are I'll probably die, but I don't care.  This planet deserves all the help she can get, and I'm going to give it my all.  I do this for the Earth, for her people, and for our friends.

And, of course, for her.

  


******


End file.
